Posted by on November 28, 2012

Messed up and broken…

I’ve been feeling more messed up and broken lately than loved and forgiven. You know how it goes. Things at work aren’t going so wonderfully, the “check engine” light came on, and it seems harder than ever to get ahead with my finances. And all I keep hearing is “be thankful”, but I can only seem to manage a feeble “please help.” So on top of having to deal with all the blah stuff, I’m also feeling bad for not counting it all joy.

…and guilty…

Sometimes it’s just not easy to “praise the Lord” for the flat tire. That might be an understatement. Not only is it not easy, but I tend to go the opposite direction to “why in the world did you let this happen? I’m not feelin’ so loved right now.” But then I remember all the people who have it much worse than I do, and guilt gently puts its arm around me and shows me to my seat in the corner.  

that’s okay…

I’m messed up and broken in a messed up and broken world where things don’t always go so well. I can accept that. That doesn’t make God any less real, any less loving, any less caring. Some people say believing in God is wishful thinking or “telling yourself whatever you need to help you get by.” I guess those people deny the presence and power of God altogether.  Everything’s a coincidence or lucky or unlucky, and things just mean whatever you want them to mean. We could say that about anything, couldn’t we? It’s us giving meaning and life to things.

…it’s not really about me.

I’m not doing that. God doesn’t need me to do that. He doesn’t need me to prove he exists or that all my woes have some glorious meaning. I just get to be honest. I’m not so happy being messed up and broken right now. I won’t dance around and pretend I am, but I have a suspicion that I will dance soon enough. And when I do, my problems may not be all fixed, but I’ll be better somehow.

What do you think? What do you do when life beats you up?


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