I don’t know where to start. An apology? An explanation? A deep dive into my psyche?
I’m not sure.
Perhaps the first words should be, “I’ve missed you.”
My last blog posted on September 30, 2023. I wrote about my desire and hope to encourage you. A month later I sent out my first official newsletter and told you about my new plan to write newsletters that would bless your socks off, and then you didn’t hear from me again. Weeks, months, and even a year went by with not a peep.
No encouragement, no monthly reminders of God’s goodness, and I daresay you still have your socks on.
I had to go back to my journal to see if something major happened a year and a half ago to prevent me from writing. But nope. Just life. Lots of writing scripts and working on the second book in my Silver Rim series and a lot of me struggling to believe any of it mattered. Nothing new. The same old fight to figure out my story—both the one I’m writing and the one my life is living.
But as I looked back at those last 18 months, I realized something major happened. Something shifted inside of me. It wasn’t all of a sudden but a slow burn– a steady peeling away of every last bit of me.
And in this last year and a half, I’ve discovered three very important things.
First, we can change. Science has proven we can change our brains. We can change the way we think and who we are. We can grow. I incorporated this little gem into my life by developing the habit of flossing. I won’t bore you too much. Let’s just say after many decades and much bravado about not flossing, I decided to change, and I did. That one little habit flipped a switch in me—a switch that says I can do hard things, things I don’t want to do or won’t enjoy, and this led me to my second discovery.
Self-denial opens doors indulgence never will. I, like most people, have bought into our fast-don’t-make-me-wait world, but there’s something liberating about being the one in charge of my body instead of my emotions or stomach or tired, aching muscles telling me what to do and when. I trained for a 5k last year. I wanted to run the whole thing. I didn’t achieve that goal, but I pushed myself. I love the feeling of straining for something, of going just a little farther than you think you can. Sometimes to get to where we want to go, we must say no to others, to ourselves, to the universe, and trust what God has said all along.
And lastly, I’ve discovered how important YOU are. Your thoughts. Your dreams. Your struggles, and the many questions that keep popping up and pulling at your hope. I’ve missed writing to you about these things and hearing from you. Life beats us up, and the internet can be a very lonely space. I don’t want you to be alone. We have a hope.
A day or so ago, we celebrated Easter, my favorite holiday. Everything hinges on this day. At Christmas, we are reminded of how the God of universe became a man. And on Easter—resurrection Sunday—we see that man—Jesus—accomplish something for us we could never do for ourselves. He overcame death and made a way to God.
I’ve struggled with my faith, gotten lost in my questions, and wondered how it’s even possible for God to love us. I know many of you have these struggles too. You’re not alone. My heart’s desire is to put words together to explore these questions and struggles. These stories, scripts, devotionals, blogs, and even poems are for you. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure that out.
As a little Easter gift for you, here is a poem I wrote. My poetry is personal, and I haven’t shared any before because it feels scary to open up and be vulnerable. When my critique group read this poem, I wanted to yank it out of their hands and tell them to stop. It was showing too much, but then they all said I had to share it, so here you go. I’m taking a little risk and gifting you a poem that speaks of God’s amazing grace and how hard it can be to accept it.
Grace – A Poem for the Messed Up and Broken
Love to you all. Please reply to this email (if you’re reading from an email) or comment and let me know how you’re doing! I would love to hear from you!
Thank you for sharing your heart! You’re an amazing lady!
Thanks for the encouragement, Robin! And right back at you!
The file won’t open for me to read the poem, but I loved the post; definitely what I needed to hear/read. Praise the Lord! May God bless you & keep you! 😊
Hi Lisa,
I’m sorry the poem wouldn’t open for you. Here’s another link. Maybe this one will work: https://www.marybethdahl.org/grace-a-poem-for-the-messed-up-and-broken/
And I’m glad God used those words to encourage you. May He guide your steps and hold you tight!
Your poem spoke to me. Grace is not something many of us accept without feeling unworthy to do so. If we do it changes a lot.
Glad you are back. Life does seem to happen without our permission so we just have to try to keep up with it.
I so enjoy reading your blogs and anything you write! You are a blessing!
Thank you, Jessica. You’re so right. If we accept the grace of God it changes so much — everything. It’s so good to hear from you too! Thanks for the encouragement. I’m gonna try to keep the blogs a coming!