Dear Pride,
With all my pity parties and self-degradation, I didn’t really think I knew you, but as it turns out we’re actually pretty close. I had heard that Pride isn’t thinking too much of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself too much. That’s why I thought I didn’t know you. Not that I’ve got that mastered or anything, but I was aware of it and have been trying to not sit around and dwell on my negatives. I haven’t had a pity party in a while.
However, there are many sides to you. So although we have been only casual acquaintances in the “poor me-poor me- poor me” world, we are practically living together in the “what-do-people-think-of-me” universe.
I discovered this after reading a favorite blog of mine.
“Pride is being more concerned with how you’re perceived than who you really are.”
Ouch.
I’ve completely been stalking you lately with that one. My list is long and embarrassing …. what do people think of me? What do they think of the blog? Do they think I’m lazy/funny/ignorant/melancholy/unfair/old/mean/pretty/smart/stupid/helpful etc.
I’ve been far too concerned with others’ opinions than the actual truth.
I’ve never really thought of that as pride, but when you think about how that guy in the parable chose the best seat at the dinner party, it would make sense that one of his motivations for parking his caboose at the head of the table was because he wanted others to perceive him as important. Was he important? Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. He evidently felt the need to prove it, and there you are, standing next to him smiling and practically jumping up and down with glee.
Anyway, it’s time for you to move out.
I kind of know what kind of person I want to be, and who I really want to please, and that seriously has nothing to do with anyone else’s opinion of me. Not that their feelings don’t matter. They do. I care. But I don’t need for them to tell me I’m a caring person because I know I’m at least trying to be one. I also know that to really care about other people, I may need to stop being worried about how they’re perceiving me and start being more concerned with what they may need to hear.
It’s not that I don’t like you and don’t want to know you. Well, maybe it is. Let’s face it. You’re sneaky and selfish and cause me to spend too much time staring at the mirror of life instead of getting out there and living it. So, I really don’t ever see us being best pals.
Thanks for trying to make me feel better about myself, though. Maybe your motives were good, but I’m really fine. I’m totally loved and completely forgiven, and I seriously am too busy getting the food ready in the kitchen to worry about where I’m sitting at the table!
Sincerely,
Mary Beth
GIRL, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. PROUD OF YOU/
LOVE U
Thanks Wilma! Guess who’s gonna be in Maryville this weekend?!