My last post was about how I felt like I had gotten into a rut. Now, two weeks later, there have been a few glimpses beyond the low road I’m traveling, but not much of a change in scenery.
It’s not like I’m in a really bad place. Maybe that’s why the rut doesn’t seem to have a stopping place. It just goes on and on, and I bump against the sides while attempting to spend more time with God, grow as a person, and figure out my purpose. I just can’t quite clear the edge with both tires, and no one’s bothering to give me a tow.
I’ve been waiting for something.
That lightning bolt that will enlighten me — that aha moment where my purpose is clear, and I’m fully equipped to achieve it. I’ve been waiting for the rut to level out, so I could breeze onto the freeway with the wind blowing my hair and sunny skies ahead. But none of that is happening.
Instead, I’m finding my longed for epiphany to be elusive and empty. My purpose, my calling, my vision statement — they all still seem to be just catchy ideas and phrases I’ve come up with instead of something that feels right and resonates.
“Shedding a little life on love”
“Showing biblical truths through fictional lives”
“Exploring the Mystery of Hope”
None of them seem quite right.
So what in the world is my purpose, already? I’ve prayed, searched, prayed, studied, prayed, and still nada. It shouldn’t be this hard to figure out. Should it?
You know, maybe I’ve been focusing on the wrong place. I keep looking deep within to find my purpose, but a person’s purpose isn’t singular. It affects others.
“The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” Thank you, Frederick Buechner.
That’s the ideal.
But how does me writing intersect with anyone’s need? I write fiction. The world will go on without fiction. (gasp)
So what’s the point?
Aha. And there it is. The epiphany not my epiphany– the world’s epiphany.
He lived. He was God. He is God. And he helped people with fiction.
There’s a whole lot of truth to be told. Jesus knew that. That’s why he told all of those parables. He embraced the story and used those stories to show eternal truths.
Perhaps I’ve made this purpose thing a little harder than it needs to be. What if my purpose is to simply be who he created me to be? A woman who writes stories. Maybe that’s it. It’s not flashy, and it’s not well-known, and it doesn’t really need to have a tagline, but it does go deep. It ventures to places where a sliver of truth taps someone’s experience and draws them to hope and to faith and to love. I write the stories, and he does the rest. Maybe that’s it. What do you think?
You got it my friend. 🙂 Keep doing what you know you are to do today. Don’t let the world’s expectations or definition of value and success pollute purpose. I’m speaking to myself as I write you those words. Much love
Thanks Andy! It’s a constant battle to keep the focus in the right place, but it’s worth it. Thanks!
I think you’ve hit on something many of us are struggling with today. Or maybe it’s just me, but nonetheless I appreciate your transparency. Lately I’ve struggled, wondering if the hours of time I put into blogging is time well spent for the Kingdom. I’ve let numbers, or lack thereof, trip me up and now I’m feeling the pain. I want His purposes to come to fruition in my life but maybe my focus is also on the wrong thing. Thank you, Mary Beth. I’ll be thinking about, and praying through, your words in the coming days. Blessings from SC!
Those blasted numbers! We can’t even know what they represent, but the low numbers always bring on questions of usefulness. Of course, to the “low numbers” we encourage, the value is very real and high. Maybe it’s like the Karate Kid. Wax on, wax off, and we don’t even realize we’re doing something more…I’m praying with you. May God give us clear eyes to see what purpose means. Love you!
I think that’s it.
You made me smile. You are a blessing! Thank you.
Thanks for so openly sharing the struggle! I’m with you, sister. I love that you never stop searching for His answers. God bless, Tammy
Thanks Tammy. May we never stop searching. I’m thankful for you!
Mary Beth, you are fulfilling your created purpose. Besides being a writer of fiction, a wife, and a mother, you are also one who encourages. Recently on the radio I heard Mercy Me “Shake” and I immediately thought of you. You posted that video link many months ago; the song uplifted me when I was really feeling down, so now I think of you when I hear it (along with “Oceans” by Hillsong United). Your honesty and vulnerability encourage me to keep going. God uses your words to speak to me exactly when I need to hear them. I’ve said… Read more »
Thanks David! You amaze me with your bravery, even though you might not always feel that way. Your courage shows. I’m thankful for our chance meeting at that last lunch at Blue Ridge, and I am looking forward to reading your book, Choose, and sharing it with my daughters. Thank you for all of your encouragement over the last few years. Many times you’ve commented or emailed just when I needed a boost. And I’m very glad “Shake” makes you think of me. I love that song! Peace!