Two thoughts collided in my head today.
One, I’ve been mulling over all week. I’m not done mulling yet, but I can’t stop these things from hitting me, so before I even have a firm grasp on the concept I’m about to share, it’s already gone off and mixed itself up with another idea.
The first one probably isn’t news to anyone who’s the least bit successful. But for some strange reason, I keep repelling it, as if my disbelief will change the facts.
The first thought is that I’m going to have to work hard.
(Trumpets, please)
I’m not a lazy person.
Before I started my new job, I was working four part time jobs.
That’s not lazy.
But now that I’m fastened into one full-time job, I’m realizing that my life from here on out is going to be 10 hour days away from my house, Monday thru Friday, and cramming my wanna-be writing career somewhere in between family time, cooking, cleaning, and sitting on my back porch.
That got me down.
As a matter of fact, I was so down, that I complained about it all. And in the midst of my complaining, I was sweetly and sternly reminded that I asked for all of this. I wanted a full time job. I feel “called to write.” I love my family, and the back porch time is just to keep me sane.
That’s not all I was reminded of, though. I was also reminded that it’s not supposed to be easy. I’m going to have to work for this, persevere, stay up late, do things I don’t want to do, and not have all my “me” time.
It’s going to cost.
That was the first thought.
The second thought tried to throw a blanket on my epiphany.
The second one comes from that person who didn’t do any work or preparation, but who is able to stand up and loudly proclaim that God will “show up” and make it all work. Well, if that’s the case then maybe I should just put down all the writing books and rough drafts and wait for my unwritten words to make an impact. What am I doing here?
I’ve noticed something from being stuck in the Pentateuch for months (Numbers now). God uses people. He doesn’t usually do big things without them. He brought the Israelites to the promised land, but they also had to fight for it.
I recently heard a speaker say, “If you want to do more, you’ve got to be more.”
It’s time to be more, isn’t it?
It’s not God’s job to make me do mine.
I want to do more with my life, and I guess that means I’ve actually got to do more with the time that I have. And sure, the Holy Spirit is here guiding, helping, leading. But so is that free-will and my sick inclination to only do what I need to do to get by.
The world needs more than that.
This world needs for us to be more, so our almighty God can do more than we’ve even dreamed.
Thanks, Mary Beth, for stomping all up in my business and on my toes! 🙂 In a good, “I needed to hear that, but it still stung a little” kind of way. Just what I needed after spending the evening vegging in front of the TV.
Felicia, You work incredibly hard! I’m inspired by you. Maybe a little TV vegging’s okay now and then!