I’ve been wondering if I’ve gotten this warrior thing all wrong. Maybe putting up a good fight and not running away at first blood isn’t the goal. Could it be I’ve twisted my concept of what a warrior should look like?
Two and a half years ago, I wrote a blog from a sad, little pit. I don’t remember what got me down. Something about books being returned and me never becoming the writer I want to be. (Wah, wah, wah) And from there I decided to make my word-for-the-year WARRIOR.
At the end of the post, I wrote, “I’ve landed on a word that doesn’t really feel like me, and I wonder if it will ever really apply to how I approach life, but it’s something I want to be … it’s something that kind of scares me, and it’s something that I am not so sure how to achieve, but here goes—my word for 2016 is WARRIOR because though I stumble and tire, I don’t want to give up the fight.”
Okay, well first of all, let me say my writing has greatly improved since then. Can you say, “stop it with the that’s and the really’s already?”
And secondly, I think I may have gone to the opposite extreme. Just look at my sword pictures. Now, I want to fight everything, and I’m dreaming up goals like $10k advances and starting my own publishing company.
Plus, I’m jumping up with my sword every other minute to fight battles for my friends. Not because they’ve asked or anything, but because I’m turning into a raging lunatic. I see an injustice, and I’m off writing a scathing email or a pointed blog post (fortunately neither of these has ever been delivered to anyone … not yet anyway!)
I seem to have forgotten love and focused on being right. Winning the argument may not be what’s needed. Sometimes not fighting the battle makes you more of a warrior than coming out on top.
This is so confusing. How do I know which battles to fight and which to ride out? There are no instructions. How do I know when to be a listening ear and let my friend write her own email or give her a little push?
You know what this is? This is grown-up warriorhood. Two years ago, I thought being a warrior meant being stronger, working harder, and never giving up. But I don’t think that’s true now. There appears to be a certain kind of strength that comes from simply being and letting go.
True warriors know when to stop fighting and when to let it go.
I’m not talking about giving up the fight.
This is different.
This is being all in so much you can’t do anything more and can’t control the outcome, but you know the ONE who does. It’s getting to a place where you trust God so much, you have nothing to prove. All you have left to do is love.