Most people would pick fearless over fearful, but not me.
2020’s word was FEARLESS.
I chose it because I often let fear guide my decisions rather than wisdom, and I figured that needed to stop. Plus, my sweet friend Tammy gave me this great picture with the word Fearless on it that I keep in my office.
So, you know how 2020 went.
What you may not know is that before the pandemic ever hit, I had already racked up some bad stuff. From January 15 to February 15, a car hit our beloved Dantes (cat); my job ended; I was sick for a week; and our sump pump broke, flooding the basement.
I was everything but fearless.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. Through all of it, God was faithful. He didn’t let me go, even when I yelled at him. He held on, and he pushed me forward.
I stood up for myself. He helped me stand up.
And I went on interview after interview. He gave me lots of practice.
I shoved fear aside and took the plunge as a freelance writer, and I did well. I wrote scripts, essays, devotionals, and four books. That’s something I would have said I could never do, and now it’s in my tool belt. Plus, I made a little cash. He gave me on-the-job training, and I’ve grown as a writer.
I finally sent my manuscript off to a publishing house, and I got a contract. God opened that door. He orchestrated the timing. He brought me here.
I got offered a contract job with the government that had me freaking out, so I called the Henry Cloud online show for some advice. He said to play the story forward. I did, and I ended up not taking that job and working for a smaller company with an incredible group of smart, kind people.
At this new job, I’ve had the opportunity to learn a new software and give multiple presentations, tackling public speaking like a bear.
I don’t tell you all of this to brag. Every single one of those things had me crying and feeling like a complete failure. I’m not kidding. I was a mess.
In the process, though, an incredible truth became clear. It’s not me.
More than once, I thought I couldn’t do it. It was impossible, and because of all those crying-on-the-floor, fearful, what-am-I-going-to-do experiences, I discovered my word for 2021.
In Psalm 139:14, David says that he is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Why fearful? It seems like a negative. And then I took a look at my year, and I realized fearful is realizing the power of God. Surrendering to it. Trusting Him and not myself. It’s reverence and awe and hope.
It’s believing that even if I lose the fight, don’t get the job, never write again, and fall on my face as I walk on stage, He has me, and I am His.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
That’s my word. What is your word for the year?