I wanted to be stronger, not the loser I felt like most of the time, so I chose WARRIOR as my word of the year. That was in 2016, 10 years ago.
Back then I thought warrioring involved things like perseverance, overcoming, and actually rising to the top of the ups and downs that mixed together to create my life. I read books about speaking positive truths over myself and not wallowing in despair, about claiming promises and understanding my calling.
What It Means to Be a Warrior
Surely, with WARRIOR as my word of the year, I would become a stronger person and not be this weak, insecure thing who couldn’t answer a question and who lacked definition.
But that’s not how it works.
Now, ten years later, I’ve discovered something truly amazing about being a warrior. It’s not about strength or power or even winning the battle.
Miriam Webster says a warrior is someone who is engaged or experienced in warfare.
What a Warrior Really Is
Isn’t that most of us? It seems like we’re all warriors of some sort. We’re all fighting with something, aren’t we? We fight with our schedules to have more time, our wants and level of discipline to exercise or eat right. We battle sickness, relationships, jobs, our hopes and dreams and the inability to reach them, and if you’re like me, you fight with yourself.
The thing is, we don’t think of ourselves as warriors. Warriors do battle and don’t back down. They run toward the enemy, shouting with half their face painted blue and with no regard for their own safety. Warriors are a force.
Messed Up and Broken
That’s not me. I’m broken and messed up. Insecure and unsure. On my knees at the back of the battleground, groping around to find my sword which I’ve dropped somewhere in the tall grass.
But what if warriors were weak? What if they struggled to stand? What if the most powerful thing the warrior ever did was simply to show up, to stand in line, and to commit.
The deepest thing I’ve learned over the last ten years grew from the reality of not being stronger. It blossomed under the rays of weakness and uncertainty. And it let loose of its shell and opened up under the truth and reality of being loved and forgiven and made whole by the Spirit of GOD.
Loved and Forgiven
As I’ve seen victories, overcome insecurity and uncertainty, learned how to hold my sword and the finer points of battle, I’ve come to realize that it’s not by my might that the battle will be won. My hope, my strength is (and always was) found in the love of GOD. There’s this beautiful mystery between me simply showing up and GOD’s all-encompassing power that gives me legs to stand on and a hope that cannot be shaken.
When I first started blogging (back in 2012), my website was called “Messed Up and Broken … Loved and Forgiven.” Now, I talk a lot about the world needing more warriors and us showing up for battle. But maybe those thoughts are two sides of the same idea. Warriors are those of us who not only own being messed up and broken, but we walk in the incredible strength and power of being thoroughly loved and completely forgiven.
Where are you in the battle, dear friend? Do you hear the call to get up, to believe? Are you ready to face what may come?
Check out my short story “The Door” on page 41.
