I really messed up. It was one of those mistakes that makes you question a lot of things.
And irony of ironies, my last blog was about getting a do-over. Little did I know I’d be visiting mistake city all weekend long. What a mess.
Things are a little better now, but it’s still painful to think about.
You see, I had thought I was a pretty humble person. That, of course, should have been a red flag, but no. We, truly humble people, can talk about our humility with ease because we’re humble so it can’t possibly be pride.
This confidence in my humbleness spurred me on to select humility as the subject of my Sunday school lesson. I even came up with a nifty title. “Don’t Bumble Your Humble – Being Humble in an Arrogant and Self-Righteous World.” Brilliant, right? And then Friday rolled around.
I don’t even want to talk about it. It wasn’t pretty. In the space of about ten minutes, I managed to combine self-righteous indignation with self-degradation in some weird twisted way that looked like Trump in an Eeyore costume. Throw a large dose of bad timing on there and you have me in all my ugly glory.
Fortunately, my friends are better than I am, and we talked through it all, but it left me on shaky legs.
Those shaky legs went to the Bible to study humility for the “brilliant” Sunday school lesson, and … well … the blaring reality of my pride started to come into focus. It climaxed in Sunday school as we talked through Mother Teresa’s tips on humility and came up with our own.
The one tip that stood out the most to me was, “Always give in.” What?! That couldn’t be right. But then, one of the class members spoke up and shared how always needing to have the last word is definitely a sign of pride. Oh dear.
I’m not humble at all.
Where did this go wrong?
My messed up and broken days got replaced by discovering warriorhood, and well … trying to be confident and strong. But “More than a Warrior” isn’t supposed to be about me being more than a warrior. It’s about there being more—more than we can ask or imagine. It’s about how God makes us more than conquerors through Christ our savior.
(I know it might not appear that way, what with my face being plastered all over the home page, but that’s supposed to be at the heart of it. I may have forgotten that.)
It’s very hard for me to couple growing in confidence with complete dependence, but there are tons of verses about how when we are weak and humble and meek, then we are strong. I tried to be smart and sure, and I fell on my face.
Yes, we all make mistakes. We fail. We hurt people we care about. Those are the things we do, but that is not what we are. That is not where we stay. There is so much more.
Who we are is defined in the act of God dying for us. It is not from ourselves. It is his gift to us. Those are the things we should boast about. That is the truth we should share.
It was never supposed to be about me or you becoming grand warriors and saying the right thing. I’m sorry I forgot that.